Sunday, May 9, 2010

Five things that will never happen but would still be wicked cool

So, I got to thinking a while back about several things that I either want to be, want to have, or want to see... But will never happen... But would still be wicked cool.

1. Have a car with a Daft Punk theme: Case in point. If you've never heard of Daft Punk, then you probably wouldn't like them anyway. They're a pair of guys who do electronica dance music and are totally wicked cool. It would be even better if I had a car with a Daft Punk theme so that I could show my total geekness when blaring their techno-disco-electronica music that makes me tap my little nerdy feet. That, and it can't get any better unless they were doing the soundtrack to the new Tron movie-- Oh, wait... They are. Because they frikkin' rock.

2. Meet a ninja: Like I really have to elaborate on this, but I will for posterity's sake. Meeting a ninja would be awesome. Scratch that... MORE than awesome, because there's not a word in the English dictionary to describe it properly and do it justice. And not just some wussy little guy in PJs who can run up a wall. No, a living, breathing, bear-fighting, star-throwing, lived-up-in-the-mountains-for-twenty-years-on-rice-and-water-for-purity-of-body-and-spirit kind of ninja. Yeah. One of those.

3. Become a successful novelist: Anybody who really knows me will know this one. Why will it never happen? I have far too many ideas that will never mesh well together and I tend to forget them ten minutes later. I suppose I could make short stories and write all my ideas down on a pad of paper or something, but I would probably end up throwing the notebook away or something equally as dumb, so I've conceded to my fate as a computer repair specialist; it's much easier that way.

4. Win the lottery: I seriously don't need to elaborate on this one, guys; if I do, you're an idiot worthy of being flogged in the streets. But, I will say that if I ever did win the lottery, I would probably drop to part-time, buy a new car (see #1), buy a place of my own, pay off my bills, and tuck the rest away for a rainy day. I know I tend to spend some of my money on idiotic crap that will serve no higher purpose than to entertain me for a few hours and never be touched again, but I have become a little more fiscally responsible over the years.

5. Become a famous singer: Everybody who's heard me sing says that I have a great singing voice. I, personally, think I'm okay, but I highly doubt I'd make Simon's cut on American Idol. Besides, I can't sing worth a crap when I'm nervous and I'm almost always nervous about something when presenting anything that could be considered talent to my friends and family, much less the entirety of America-- or the world, for that matter.


  1. Did I tell you Brandy Jo's husband, John (my May Douchebag of the Moth) hit the fucking lottery on Friday for $107,000.00? BJ didn't belive him, so he went to the lottery office in Mt. Pleasant, cashe dout the ticket (he got $73,070.00 after taxes) and came home and piled the cash on the table inthe garage? She about fell over when she waw all of that cash.

    Some people are lucky enough to fall ass backwards into cash, but most of the times they are morons.

  2. Winning the lottery, heck yes. Becoming a successful novelist, heck yes!
    Both of those would have to be on my list too.
    Great blog!