Totally revamped the blog, since it hasn't been touched in forever. I suppose that I should probably blog a little more often, considering that there's been so much going on.
Either way, it might be therapeutic for me, anyway.
A lot has happened, needless to say.
My niece is pregnant at 18, which is sad and depressing as it simply confirms what I've always believed about the decline of human society as a whole. Not only that, but the baby was supposed to be adopted by my sister, who hasn't been able to have a baby in her marriage since it started. It's sad, because she and her husband have wanted a baby for so long and while they're still young, time is not on their side so much as it is a dreaded set of hatch-marks on their lives, counting down the years until it becomes too late. The saddest thing is that my niece has decided that she wants to keep the baby, now, but she and her boyfriend are so horribly unprepared that it makes me feel sorry for their future and that of the baby. I know that my brother-in-law did not invest so much in the prospect of finally becoming a father as much as my sister did for becoming a mother. I know that she hides it well, but I know that she is very much hurt, though not the slightest bit surprised, with the outcome.
I've offered to have a child for her myself, but it's not exactly that easy. I mean, yeah, I'm fiscally capable of taking care of myself during the pregnancy, what with the fact that I have a steady, full-time job that pays me well enough. However, it's not like I can really go "daddy shopping" or walk up to somebody and go "Hey! You look like a smart, strapping young fella! Would you care to donate your sperm to a good cause? /thumbs up"
Either way, my niece is now gone to live with her boyfriend in another state without so much as a "good-bye" to anyone in her family. Not a call, text, or Facebook message. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
I really worry about her, and so does everyone else in my family. She is not prepared for anything and there's only a few months left before the baby is here. They don't have diapers, receiving blankets, a stroller, a car seat, a steady family doctor, a support system... Jobs. They don't even have real jobs or even a real clue as to the gravity of the situation. That's the really sad part and it makes me want to melt down.
I feel like I could've done more to help her. I felt like she was my little sister; we spent so much time together and while she annoyed me to no end, sometimes, I still love her as if she WERE my little sister. I feel like I've failed her in that aspect; I should've spent more time with her. I should've spent more time talking to her, coaching her into the right direction. I can keep telling myself that I was either too busy or felt too lame of a person myself to really give her good direction, the fault, I feel, rests a great deal on my shoulders.
I'm not trying to blame myself for it entirely, there are many things that could've been done by others in our family, but I feel that I was close to her in a way that some of us weren't and I dropped the ball on so many different occasions. If I had been able to step up like the big sister I was supposed to be, maybe I could've helped her like my big sister did.
I was a loser. An absolute blob of a human being before my big sister got a hold of me. She helped me grow up, helped me become responsible enough to get a clue. I still go to her for help, though I try not to burden her too much since she has problems of her own. If it weren't for her, I'd still be a lonely little blob of a girl, stuck behind comic books and cartoons, with no job and no license and no car... No life.
If I had been a big enough person like she was, I probably could've helped my niece down the right path. Maybe she wouldn't be pregnant at eighteen, going off to some strange, scary place with nothing but the clothes on her back and an irresponsible douche bag for a boyfriend. Maybe she would've had the right mind to stop and ask herself if it was the right decision instead of leaping before looking. Maybe she would've had the right mind to actually say something before leaving instead of just handing her mother a note, packing a run-down little car, and going off into the wild blue yonder.
I want her to change her mind. I want her to give this baby to my sister. Not only because it would make my sister and her husband happy, but it would prevent this unborn child from ending up having a terrible, poverty stricken life. It would keep this child from being stuck with a child for a mother, stuck with a mother who will more than likely end up pawned off on some random family member so that it's mother can go get another piercing, or go to a concert, or go shopping for video games. It would keep this child from being stuck without having the things it needs or even the things it wants. What if this baby wants a pretty dress or a nice suit for Easter Holidays or the latest Elmo toy for Christmas or needs a new pair of shoes for school or needs money saved up for college? This child will end up without all of that, if it remains disturbingly rigid on this current track.
And what about my niece? What of the childhood that is going to be so quickly snatched away? She hasn't graduated, has never gone to prom, and hasn't really even had a childhood to call her own. She's never known the pride of being a productive citizen of society, never known the joys of getting her first car or license, and I doubt she ever will if she stays this way. Not only would the child go without many things that are important in life, but so will my niece. This is what depresses me to the point of tears. Two lives thrown away and doomed to be wasted on the hazy dreams of youth that will never come to fruition.
This year is truly a sad year.