Thursday, June 10, 2010

Dear Late Night Customer

Dear Late Night Customer,

I had a rough day today. I had to be awake and dragged into work for an utterly useless meeting which could have been avoided by a simple E-Learning. I then had to drag my ass back home for five hours, and then BACK into this big blue box for another 7 hour shift. I also had to deal with idiot customers, impatient customers, and all other manner of NOT COOL customers for almost the entirety of my shift.

It was late when you came in. Past closing, I know. I was just finishing up cleaning up my precinct when I decided that I was thirsty. I also wanted to spring for a drink for my other closer, as we were busting our humps trying to get out of here at a decent hour. All I had was cash.

I meet you at the register. You are sweaty and covered in paint, wearing sweat pants and gabbing it up something hardcore with the cashier-dude while you waited for your new fridge to be dragged out from our already over-worked and under-staffed warehouse.

"Hey, do you still have cash in your drawer?" I ask the cashier-dude.
"I dunno." He shrugs, looking a bit confused.
"Well, crap..." I say, and slump my shoulders like a child deprived of a toy at Christmas. "I just wanna get a drink and all I have is cash since my card is still locked."

"I'll get you a drink."

I hear this coveted five words come out of YOUR mouth. I am surprised, as these drinks, for a normal customer, are almost two bucks a pop.

"Oh, no," I respond, still surprised. "I couldn't possibly! I'm buying a drink for myself and for my co-worker. Besides, if I use my discount with your card, I'll get fired."

I feel bad, because now you look like I've kicked you, but you respond.

"Phht! Don't worry about the cost. I'll get you and your friend a drink since I'm using my card. It's no big deal."

I look at you like you've grown another head. Here you are, being the typical late-night bunghole, and yet you pull a cool stunt like this. You even offer to buy my co-worker a drink. These are expensive drinks; at least two bucks a pop. I feel warm and fuzzy inside that you would be so kind as to offer to buy a drink on your card when I cannot use the perfectly good cash in my pocket.

"Oh, no! I couldn't dream of it! But, thank you very much for offering. It's the coolest thing that's happened today!"

Another cashier comes out, saying that she has cash. I feel as if I've been saved from rejecting this kind man's offer of energy-giving nectar made of caramel syrup and soda water. I offer you a drink in exchange for your display of kindness, since I can now use cash and get said drinks for nearly half-off with my discount. You decline, smile, and wish me a good night as our warehouse team takes out your fridge for you.

Thank you, Mr. Late Night Customer. You are officially the coolest customer I've had in years. Your kindness has made my night, made it in my blog, and will go down in history as the kindest customer of the big blue box.

Yours Truly,

P.S. - I know you weren't trying to hit on me, as some people might think, because you never once looked anywhere but the product at your feet and the drink cooler. I should give you credit where credit is due.


  1. No, dearie, he was hitting on you. He could have been looking at the MOON for Chrimany sake, but he was still hitting on you. You had a vagina and he, probably a sweaty penis. To some guys, a vagina is all it takes.

    Nice gesture, but I have been on this planet too many moons to know a pick-up line when I hear one or see one typed.

    I am sure Mom didn't think it was a pick-up line, either. It is just so adorable how y'all haven't lost all faith in humanity! Just so damn cute!

  2. GOD, SISSY! Why are you so JADED! Can't the fat guy offer the pretty girl a drink without wanting to have sex with me? Maybe he was homosexual and wanted to hide it? Maybe he saw my other closer and thought HE was cute? You know, like sending the bartender down the bar with a drink for the pretty lady kinda deal. >:( Don't make me think that everything with a penis that acts nice is out to have sex with me! You'll make me afraid of everything that moves! >:(

  3. Isn't it funny how easily a stranger can make your day!